Jennifer R. Lewis Kannegieter

Miscellaneous

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Do Your Family A Favor: Update Your Will, Share Your Wishes, and Plan Your Funeral.

The best thing you can ever give someone you love is peace of mind.  Stress and uncertainty can take a toll on all of us, the comfort and reassurance that comes from a loved one’s hug or kind words can go a long way of relieving the burden.

You may have noticed it has been awhile since my last blog post.  Life and a busy law practice sometimes gets in the way of blogging. For those of you who know me, you know that I spent the last part of July in Colorado with my grandparents.  My grandpa was ill and passed away.  I was there in those final days, and I was there to help my grandma with the arrangements that followed.

While ultimately everything went well (and we had a beautiful funeral service – a great tribute to a wonderful man), there are bound to be some bumps during any emotional crisis, and I could not help but feel (yet again) just how important it is to:

*Update Your Will.  Hire an attorney to draft it, and hire an attorney who will really take the time to explain the documents to you.  Make sure your documents are up to date and make sense to you.

The funeral home had requested my grandpa’s will, and we were told the personal representative would need to sign the papers authorizing cremation.  At one point my grandma did not think she was the personal representative.  She and I were going through the estate documents trying to make sense of them.  For a brief period time, things were feeling rather chaotic.

*Discuss Your End of Life Health Care Preferences.  Spending those last few days with my grandpa in hospice was difficult.  We were all prone to second guess the decisions that had been made.  When those feelings of self-doubt started taking over we were able to remind ourselves of those comments that had been made years ago on how he wished to live his life.

While you still can, share your preferences with your loved ones on how you would like to be treated.  What type of pain management would you want?  Would you want a feeding tube?  What quality of life is important to you?  And then get a Health Care Directive – put those preferences in a legal document and/or give someone else the authority to make decisions for you.

*Plan Your Funeral.  I don’t necessarily mean you have to plan every detail, or do an official pre-plan, but at least talk about what type of services you would like your family to have.  While we knew it was coming, and we had slowly started working on it, there was a “Now what?” moment.  How do you even get started planning a funeral?

Are there any special songs, prayers, poems, or Scripture you would like to have included?  A certain place you would like the services held?  A certain person to perform the service or give a eulogy?  Do you want to be buried or cremated?  If you are cremated, what do you want done with your cremains?  Talk to your loved ones about the funeral may be paid for and your expectations. (Let them know when it may be okay to go with the budget model and when you would expect them to splurge a bit).     

As a lawyer, I have to tell you how important it is to have the legal documents.  Your wishes may not be legally enforceable without the proper legal documents, and it truly is important to go through the proper channels to ensure your wishes will be followed.

But as a granddaughter, daughter, sister, wife, and friend, I cannot stress enough the importance of having these conversations, making the plans, and expressing your wishes.  Don’t think that having ‘The Talk’ once is enough.  “Dad told me once that he wanted ___” is totally different than “Dad always told me he wanted ______.”

That feeling of peace of mind your loved ones will have when they KNOW they are making arrangements and decisions according to your wishes is more valuable than anything else you can leave behind.

And if you know of anyone needing hospice care or funeral services in Colorado, I can not say enough good things about HospiceCare of Boulder and Broomfield Counties and Horan & McConaty.  Everyone we worked with was compassionate, caring, knowledgeable, understanding, and professional.  They did their best to make a difficult time a little bit easier.

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15 Crucial Money Moves for Seniors

Ask the Advisor’s article 15 Crucial Money Moves for Seniors is not only good advice for those entering the “golden years,” but in today’s economy it is good advice for all.  Okay, so maybe we can’t all apply for Social Security, join the AARP, or take advantage of senior discounts, but we all can:

  • Get Healthy and Stay Healthy
  • Aggressively Pay-Off Debt
  • Check Your Credit Report
  • Start a Budget and Stick to It
  • Avoid Shopping as a Hobby

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Warning: What You Say on Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace May Come Back to Haunt You

As social networking websites such as Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace gain in popularity, attorneys are dealing with issues regarding the use, or misuse, of these sites.  Employers are using these sites to check up on employees, litigants are using these sites to uncover dirt on opposing sides and witnesses, and in family law cases, parties are using these sites to keep track of the other side and to build a custody case.  We all may still be trying to figure out how to respond to these issues, but here are the top 5 things I want my family law clients to know when it comes to social networking websites:

  1. Realize that the other side is someone you have had a significant relationship with.  She/he knows that you post party pictures on Facebook, tweet about your daily activities on Twitter, and vent all of your frustrations in your blog.  She/he may be watching you and keeping track of your online movements.  If you don’t want him/her to know you are going on a blind date – don’t put that in your Facebook status.
  2. Change all passwords.  Most people fail to use secure passwords and routinely use the same passwords over and over again.  It is quite common for people to know their significant other’s passwords.  A break up is the perfect time to change all of your passwords (and choose a secure password).  You might as well make it a little more difficult for the other party to hack into your account.   
  3. Update your privacy settings.  Facebook in particular has excellent privacy settings, you can control what information others see about you.  Now is the time to update your privacy settings and limit what the other party can see.  Check out Nick O’Neill’s article 10 Privacy Settings Every Facebook User Should Know.
  4. Be prepared for the fall out.  Don’t be surprised if you find yourself defending all of your online activities.  The pictures from your Facebook account of you at that party appear as a trial exhibit.  The custody evaluator is given a copy of every single blog entry you have written to prove your “instability.”  Your lawyer receives letters concerning all of your tweets and status updates that mention “partying.”  Even if you have changed your password and updated your privacy settings, if it is out there, it may be found, and you should be prepared to deal with it.  The best rule of thumb, if it is something you do not want the other side, your attorney, your custody evaluator, your judge, and your grandmother to know: Do NOT Put it Online.
  5. Know that it doesn’t really matter.  Keep in mind that Minnesota is a no-fault divorce state.  As much as it hurts that your spouse had an affair, the courts don’t care.  We do not need to put the steamy wall posts between your husband and his new girlfriend in the court file.  I don’t really need them for my file either.  And when we are looking at custody and parenting time issues – the courts don’t really care what a parent is doing outside of the presence of the children.  A picture of the other side, with the children, drinking at a wild party may be relevant, but status updates concerning the other parent’s hangover on a weekend when the children are with you are completely irrelevant.  As difficult as it may be, you need to keep in mind the difference between the emotional divorce and the legal divorce.  Don’t let the emotions of the situation run your case – you will end up spending way too much time and money on legal fees, and the only one to benefit from that is your lawyer.

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You Can’t Sell Your Kidney In the Divorce

Not that this comes as a surprise… but a a New York court has denied a husband’s request that his soon-to-be-ex wife return a donated kidney or pay him for the value as part of the divorce.

When this case first made headlines, many divorce lawyers wondered if this was some sort of hoax and started debating some of the potential legal issues.  Is a kidney a non-marital asset?  If so, is the non-marital character lost by “co-mingling” this asset with others (namely the spouse’s organs)?  How would you trace this non-marital claim?  Is the donation a gift?  If so, is it a conditional or unconditional gift?  And how do you even begin to value a kidney?

In the end, none of that matters, it really comes down to public policy and laws we have against selling human organs.

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Surviving the Holidays

It is that time of the year again, the holidays are upon us. With all of the shopping, traveling, and party hosting or attending that we do, the holidays can be stressful. And holidays can be even more stressful for families in transition (be it an impending divorce, recent divorce, new child, or new marriage). So do what you can to reduce the stress.

  1. Take time for yourself and relax. If you spread yourself too thin, you won’t enjoy yourself and you won’t be any fun to be around. Take care of yourself.
  2. Put your children first. Whether your children are 3 or 33, don’t let your holiday blues stress your children. Keep your children out of the middle of any fighting. Reassure them that everything will be fine. Encourage them to enjoy their other holiday celebrations, be it with their other parent, a new stepparent, or new in-laws.
  3. Start something new.  Use this transition period to create new family rituals or traditions, incorporating some of the old. If you are a newly divorced parent, create a new special tradition for you and your children. If you are a newly married couple, incorporate traditions from each family while creating new traditions for your new family.
  4. Set a realistic schedule. Holidays don’t need to be dictated by the calendar. Don’t try to jam 48 hours of celebrating into the 25th. And don’t plan on eating 5 dinners. Arrange to do some celebrating the day before, the day after, or even the week after.
  5. Embrace the changes in your life. Life is about changes. This first holiday season as a newly divorced parent, a newly married couple, or parent with a recently grown child may be difficult, but over time it will become easier.

Have a wonderful holiday.

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Second Life Meets Reality

In the files of weird, but true…  The divorce of a British couple is making headlines around the world for the involvement of a “virtual affair.”  The couple, who ironically first met in an online chat room and bonded over their love of the online game Second Life (where players create characters and interact with others in a virtual world), is now divorcing due to husband’s character’s online affair.  The affair was discovered by a Second Life virtual private investigator.

Even though this behavior may make headlines worldwide and provide a topic for watercooler chat, keep in mind that in a no-fault divorce state spending time discussing which party (or party’s online persona) had an affair is not necessary and may not be the best use of your attorney’s time.